I am also transphobic, to some degree
I have some form of transphobia, and I'm sure most of us do, no matter what we might think otherwise. Let me explain. My transphobia isn't the typical transphobia that is often represented or commented on through society and through social media. My transphobia is a social stigma that has been ingrained into me through my entire existence. From visual media like television or movies, through to people's jokes, comments, slurs or pointing and laughing. All of these negative portrayals of how a trans person is seen to the populus takes a toll on one's subconscious. With all these outside influences, it's no wonder it took me so long to be able to discover and come to terms with my own trans identity. Just in case I am still being a little too vague, I'll try my best to explain.
For the longest time, the only representation I saw of anyone displaying gender diversity, would be Bugs Bunny, when he would dress up and Girl Bugs Bunny. Elma Fudd was completely infatuated by the girl bunny, until he realised that he was being fooled by Bugs. Then came the trans rage effect as Elma Fudd would go on a rampage to eradicate Bugs, usually enraged beyond his previous state at the beginning of the cartoon episode. As I got older, there still was very little representation, accept the odd male character trying to fool their enemies by dressing as a woman, usually always being found out, and again being chased once the secret was revealed. This narrative has always been the same through the the entirety of moving pictures, some 100+ years.
Then along came 'Silence of the Lambs'. The Buffalo Bill character was killing his victims in order to make a suit of their flesh so he could appropriate himself to be female. Now this is where a lot of people got their perception of what a trans person is. A psychopathic killer. There is also however, one line from Agent Starling that denounces this correlation, but is hardly a factor as it is one line during a scene stealing performance by Anthony Hopkins. So this representation is not an accurate representation of the trans community, but it is how most people are educated about one character's identity and project it onto an entire community.
Hollywood has a lot of other instances where there are 'trans' characters (and I use this term loosely) where the the big hook for the story is that hero or villain is not the gender/sex that they have been throughout the movie or show. Tootsie, Mrs Doubtfire, Mulan, Psycho, Some Like it Hot, Yentl are just a few, where at the end, the character/s return to their original gender. This is not what it is like to be transgender. Then there are movies where the 'trans' characters are meet with either a violent ending or absolute repulusion. Some of these are Rocky Horror Picture Show, Boys Don't Cry, Ace Venture Pet Detective, M. Butterfly just to name a few. Then there is the easy laugh of a man dressing in woman's clothes for a cheap audience reaction. There are just far too many to list.
The other big problem with all of the above movies and others, is that the actors playing the award winning roles, are rewarded as their true gender, not the one they portray on screen (Barbara Streisand - Yentl, Hilary Swank - Boys Don't Cry, Jared Lito - Dallas Buyers Club, Eddy Redmayne - Danish Girl, Jeffery Tambour - Transparent, Tim Curry - Rock Horror Picture Show) which again reaffirms to the populus that being trans is a costume. That is definitely not what being trans is. All of these depictions are massively problematic as the way we are educated is by entertainment and it's completely wrong.
All of the above teachings basically reinforce a false narrative that as soon as a trans person is away from scrutiny, they will revert back to their original gender in private. That is when a trans person is probably at their worst. Doing everything they can to avoid accepting anything from their old persona. I for one, know that I detested wearing pants for a long time when I didn't have to. Why would I want to ever wear them again when I was able to choose a dress or skirt?
Not only does the entertainment industry create an environment that creates a barrier for trans people to accept themselves out of fear of being targeted etc, it also creates a false narrative of fear from those who only can see trans woman as cross dressing men. Their distorted view of reality is all trans people are cross dressers and all cross dressers are psychopaths who want to cause harm on others. Things brings on some paranoia which borders on ridiculous especially when it comes to bathroom use. All a trans person wants to do is go and pee and get out and on with their day. Anyone, who uses a public bathroom to assault anyone, it's already illegal It's called assault. People who are sexually assaulted are usually assaulted by someone they already know, and it is typically not done in a public bathroom. This toxic rhetoric does nothing to eliminate harm to the most vulnerable people. There are far more white men who abuse their power and influence to assault and abuse their positions for sexual assault than any transgender group, but yet the anger is directed at a marginalised vulnerable group who are only trying to exist without being harmed.
All of these narratives created a paranoia and made it a lot harder for me to be truthful with myself. It took me a long time to have the strength, courage and resolve to say, "I know I will be ridiculed, targetted, harassed and abused, but fuck it. I'd rather transition than live in this misery of the wrong gender I was assigned at birth." And I know I am not alone.
Being transgender is not optional. It is not a costume. It is not done as a spur of the moment decision. And it is also not all of our story. It is only one part of our story/stories.
