Going to my High School Reunion

One week ago I attended my high school reunion and I have been trying to find the right words to describe the experience and exactly what it was that happened over the 2 days. Even though a week has past, I am still at a loss to be able to do find the right vocabulary to do this the justice it deserves. For all those who have not been following on with my past writing, I went to an all boys, catholic high school in Upper Hutt. Now religion and myself haven't exactly been great pals since I was very young, and attending this school was my mother's wish for us. I was always very quiet and shy, and this was no different at school. I can recall wondering what it would have been like being at the sister all girls school my mother attended. Once puberty hit me in my 3rd year there, I didn't quite get why I didn't fit in there. I felt more comfortable doing things by myself and away from groups. This made me fairly forgettable as a student.

I didn't have any major anxiety since I made the decision to attend. I was the first to arrive as I took the train out and I didn't want to be late and entering the school grounds gave me some nostalgia and a small amount of nerves. Not as much as I experienced when going to the swimming pool in December, or even some of my big races I attended. This was a good excited energy I was having. When I introduced myself at reception I did get a confused look to start but then just polite pleasantries. I was approached then by the school coordinator, a former teacher of mine, and we had a nice exchange. Then others started to arrive and I waited on the fringe for some to approach and say hi. The first was the man who had arranged the weekend and I had spoken to earlier in January. More and more arrived, the welcome hugs and conversations began to come easier. Some struggled to recall me from our school days, some were easily recognizable, others not so. We waited around in the sun for more to arrive then began the formal proceedings.

We had a mass at the school chapel. A number of us had not returned since we left the school, some joked about being struck by lightning and I felt very much part of that group. Following that we a lunch with a few of the seniors, a few staff and then was followed with a tour of the school classrooms, new facilities since we had left, and more conversations. There were a few of the guys wanting to have a run around with a rugby ball and a swim, the swim I regretted not having anything to wear as it was in the high 20's degrees. When I got through the anxiety of actually going back in January, I figured out that I had 2 goals when I committed to attend the reunion. First was to put to bed my past and connect with my old school mates. The second objective was to build a connection with the school and see if there was an opportunity to work with the school regarding their rainbow support for the boys, or returning to talk at the school. This is my long term goal, to help those that are struggling and vulnerable. This went better than I had hoped and I have created that opportunity. I still have more work to do before I can do this work. I am doing this through my volunteer work with Outerspaces and InsideOut.

From the school, we headed off to one of the local watering holes we used to frequent in my 20's. Here the questions began about what everyone had been doing for the last 25 years, a bit of ribbing and a number of my story questions. Every single person was very polite, curious and very respectful regarding the sensitive questions that shouldn't be asked. We stayed for a couple of hours before separating and heading into Wellington for the evening. Here a few late arrivals began to turn up and again the questions and stories anew. What I began to notice was the immense bond those who were boarders had with one another, and also that about 80% of those that were in attendance were boarders. It was a shame that more day boys did not come and join in the fun. With each conversation, each passing hour, the level of acceptance and none judgement, I grew more confident, freer, happier and a sense of validation that I had never felt before. I don't know when it happened and exactly from who, but I gained this sense of love and vindication of my journey to be who I am from every one of my former school mates. All these guys had grown into such an awesome bunch of men, and part of me wishes I had formed these friendships long ago, but I was not ready, and I was not the real me. They have come back into my world at exactly the right time.

I left the guys just after midnight on Friday, and they kept going late. I knew I could sustain the pace they were setting and I doubted anyone else could, there was another night to survive. I missed the brewery tour and went to the dinner. There were a few newer faces and some had arrived. Again the stories retold, and the same result. Acceptance, love and validation. I use these words repeatedly, but I'm still not doing justice to what gift everyone gave me over the course of those 2 days. As we started to party at the clubs into the night, I seemed to radiate the joy and freedom I had gained which seemed to affect those around me. I had unleashed the shackles of my past, my old persona and I began to dance the night away. I seemed to expand in confidence, and even began to attract some from outside our group into the fold.

I cannot describe or do the justice the gift that every single person that I came into contact with last weekend has given me. To all my old classmates, to my new friends, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stay Beautiful and Be Amazing