How to help someone going through transition - Into the 24/7 stages

Going 24/7 is probably the most liberating moments for anyone who has struggled with gender dysphoria, but it also one of the most difficult times. After talking to a few trans friends, they all have said the same thing. The initial emotion is of massive joy, and a huge sigh of relief that this moment has finally arrived. But it is also a point in time where so much happens so very quickly and it's a point in time where unconditional support from friends and family would be most advantageous. I know people who rushed into this moment, I know people who took their time, I know people who had a plan and it executed how they planned it, and those whose plan failed. No matter who I spoke to, the majority of my transgender friends weren't really prepared properly. Adjusting to living 24/7 is something that is a progressive and organic thing, not really a sudden defined instance.

For me, those that have been following my blog know that my plan did not go how I planned it to go. I was going to take a month off work, have a party, get used to living in the world as female and return to work 4 weeks later. I got let go from my job a month earlier than I had planned. Initially the joy of never having to wear male clothes, or present as an alter ego from my true self to the world again, was euphoric. The first few days were incredible, freeing, liberating and I was constantly just smiling both inside and outside, and of course had a small celebration. A few days later, I came off the high and then mellowed out, then took a deep breath and started to think about moving forward with my life. The first couple of weeks I did things I had planned to do while I was going to take leave and action my plan, some make over things, some shopping, clearing out my old wardrobe, expand my new wardrobe so I rode my wave as I began to be in the world. After this is when I started to struggle, how do I get a job as a female after working as male my entire life. How do I get employed as a woman and not as a trans-woman, who was around that I could ask for help. This is when I needed my support.

The first 2 - 3 weeks were great but then I struggled and lost direction, lost focus and became confused. I think back and I know I didn't reach out for help or ask for it. Reality started setting in. This is a similar time frame after speaking to a few others. Between 2 - 4 weeks after moving to 24/7 things get harder as the world begins to slow down and the old demons of paranoia, negativity and uncertainty start to sneak back. Now everyone has a different experience, but this is when the doubt sets in. Have I done the right thing? What have I given up? What am I doing? How is this going to get better? Some of my friends said that they started to feel resistance to their transition, or notice the negativity from those who either rejected or disagreed with their transition. This is when someone learning to deal being someone other than they have lived openly in the world as, starts to really need to be supported. Now support can be anything from a phone call, popping in to visit, going out together for a drink or food, but it is more than a text message. Actively making contact so they can talk to you, hear your voice, asking how they are doing, probing past the generic "I'm fine" and showing them that you have their back. Finding out what exactly is their troubles will most likely bring about tears as they let out their problems and concerns, so be prepared to mop up some tears. Be proactive in making contact and making the effort to help however you can, with a hug, your advice, planning, making a call on their behalf etc, is something invaluable that in this digital age, people don't do for each other.

Adjusting to the 24/7 life can be quick for some, and others a long time, but this time is never as straight forward as one can ever plan for. Those who have stability in their world do a much better job of it than those going through turmoil and other life struggles. Having a strong support network is the way anyone will successfully navigate through the rough seas they are sailing. Don't let them sail it alone. Get on their boat and help sail it together, recruit others to help with the journey. All anyone wants is to be accepted, get reassurance, validation and security that their decision is the right one by having a team of family or friends that will support them while they get the wobbles. They will come through this period of doubt, and with your help, this period while be shorter and less turbulent than it could be. With all difficult periods anyone struggles through, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, having something strong and stable in ones life is the key to finding the light faster. A strong group of friends or family is the best source of light anyone can have. Show your friend you care by being physically present in their world, be inclusive, and be proactive.

The only thing a transgender person really wants, is to be accepted for who they are, not who they used to be or who you want them to be. Let them be who they are on the inside, on the outside without judgement. This is how you can show your love the best.