Why do you make me feel invisible??

I have delayed writing for a bit as I have had many things going on that I needed to sort out first before posting. Since I last posted I have moved twice, had been on the receiving end of the most vicious transphobic tyrad I have ever heard, attended my parents 50th wedding anniversary, my brother's 25th service ceremony started ballet, and just missed out getting full time work. I could go on about any of these as a topic of a blog post, or I could go down a completely different topic.

Sometimes it's the words that speak louder than the actions, and sometimes they both can be muted completely.

I have been out since August 2016. As of today, it is almost 1200 days ago since I told my world which included work and family. Since that time, just about everyone has been completely accepting and have made honest attempts to get my name and gender right. But only a few ever asked any questions. There has been a few errors and mis-steps along the way, but as long as people are trying, I haven't had too much of an issue. I did have a lot of anxiety and insecurity of my identity to begin with, and every mispronunciation did upset me and I took it personally. As I have now been living 24/7 since 1st August 2017 (836 days), I rarely have those anxieties or those issues at all. My world only sees Serah, and treats me that way. It took me a long time to realise that, and once I did, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Everywhere except one place, my parents. They have not asked any questions, they fumble their way talking about me and to me, and they never have really made a conscious effort to get things right.

When I attended their 50th wedding anniversary, there was a series of things that happened which made me feel completely invalidated and invisible. From memory, my father has not once called me Serah in my presence, and has never called me Serah directly to me. My mother is better. She still fumbles between dead-naming me, and calling me Serah, but she just about always uses 'he, him, his' pronouns. When introducing me to someone, they both want to say 'son' and stalls until I rescue them and saying a neutral 'child'. At the lunch, there was a table of photos which had no photo of me, only the old me. There was also a timeline, which deadnamed me 7 times. When I told my niece, she said "you're in there 7 times", who has been probably my biggest supporter, which made me realize that most cis-people just don't get it!

For all those who don't get it, here's a list of things you need to know;

Deadnaming - when you use a trans-person's old name who they do not identify with. This invalidates s trans-person and says you only see they old them and not the person in front of you.
Misgendering - Using the wrong pronouns that a trans-person identifies as. Again this invalidates s trans-person and says you only see they old them and not the person in front of you. If you are unsure what to say when talking about them, use gender neutral terms like 'child' or 'sibling'.
Arrogance and ignorance is not a defence. Being stubborn and sticking to your ways is the fastest way to push your child/sibling/friend out of your life. If you are unsure, you can always ask or do your own learning.
Not letting go of the past person and not acknowledging the person in front of you, says that they are invisible. The person in front of you is who they are, they aren't going to go backwards. No matter how much you resist, your stubbornness won't change that fact.
Don't complicate things. React to the person in front of you.

What is the hardest thing to digest, is the lack of attempt to try to get it right. It's not hard to get it right. All you do is push people away. Denying that the person's identity exists does not erase their identity, it does however deny the ability to have any sort of positive relationship.

Why do you don't want to try?
Why do you not ask how they want to be referred to?
Why do you not ask how to get it right?
Why do you not look to educate yourself to be an ally?
Why do you persist in complicating things? The last time I wore make attire, had my hair short etc. was in 2017. The last time I wore that around my family was 2016. Do I look like Serah, or do I look like someone else? Do I act and talk like Serah or someone else?

It's not hard to get it right. But it is entirely up to you. You have to want to, and if you don't want to, all you are doing is saying is you don't want to have any relationship. The ball is in your court. You decide how this works. You either want us in your life, or you don't. I, for one, am used to do things alone. I've been doing it since I was 13. If that is your choice to not try, I will only be back in your world at funerals, yours or mine.

I await your decision!