The start of 2019

I know I haven't blogged much lately and I am sorry for that. The truth is I have way too many things going on in my head to be able to simplify my thoughts into a single piece of writing. While 2018 closed off with some wobbles, for the most part, 2019 has been mostly great, but it has also given me a few challenges. Through most of December I got a bad cold that really affected my asthma, and I really struggled to breath so any fitness I had gain completely disappeared quickly. Two days before Christmas I moved out of my flat I had been in for 14 months, and into a temporary place a friend offered. I also spent time with my boyfriend between Christmas and New Year which was great. Early January I house, dog and cat sitted for some friends of mine which was also a great reprieve and felt like a holiday. Mid January I went back to my friend's place and after I was there for a week, a leak came through the ceiling. This meant I had to get all my stuff out and go somewhere else. What a nightmare at such short notice. Luckily I have had a hero in my life. My boyfriend, and his flatmate have let me use their spare room while I look for a new place to live. So late January I came here.

A few days after I arrived, my body started showing signs of the stress I have been under for the last few months and I broke out with a cold sore. I hardly ever get these, in fact it would have been maybe 15 years since my last one. This took a while to heal, and meant that I felt miserable being so close to my boyfriend, yet there was no kissing to be had for 3 weeks. URGH, that meant the first half of February was a write off. Then about a week after that healed, I got a massively infected ingrown hair on my leg, which needed medical intervention and a course of antibiotics to help clear up. I have some scarring but it no longer makes me limp when I walk. This ingrown hair is also a side effect of me epilating my body hair, and my obsessive need to remove any minor ingrown hairs that are trapped under the finest skin barrier. My BDD (refer to Learning-to-accept-my-body-the-way-that-it-is) and a form of OCD means I cannot leave them alone and they become infected, to the point I am being treated now for staph infection. I hope my skin heals. I know I risk scarring myself badly, and I cannot stop myself. as long as I am covered up, I have no problem not touching. As soon as I expose the skin, I'm inspecting and attempting to remove the frustratingly, annoying, ugly, potential infectious ingrown hairs. I wish this wasn't part of my psychi, but it is.

So while the first two paragraphs have been a bit of a downer, the rest of what has been going on has been pretty exciting. Like I said earlier, I have had so many things going around in my head I cannot focus. I had booked into a workshop hosted by the amazing local Lululemon store in Wellington. This was on "Setting Humongous Goals!" and it was when I had my cold sore. I made myself go along and did my best with some makeup to make me feel less uncomfortable being in a public space. It was a great workshop around goal setting and moving forward through 2019. I made a couple of notes and goals for myself. I also was very lucky and fortunate to win an instore voucher. When I went into the store to ask about the voucher, I was blown away that I was able to choose any product that would help me achieve my goal. What an awesome gift from an awesome bunch of people! A HUGE thank you to the beautiful people at Lululemon. It is one of my favourite places to shop and it's not just the quality of the goods, it's the environment the staff create and experience I have every time I enter the store.

My goal (pictured) to "Increase income by working on things that will directly increase work opportunities" was put up in store and I am happy to say I have already achieved that goal. I was offered a seconded role at work and a shift from 16 hours per week to 32 hours. When I was first asked, I was scared and apprehensive but it was one of my notes I had written about a thought for a blog post which I flicked to by chance and I knew I would say yes to the opportunity. The quote I had written was "Being scared creates a lack of doing. Settling for being just ok instead of trying to the hard things because fear, and using that to justify of underachieving". The quote needs some work but it served it's purpose for me at the time I needed to put my fear aside and step forward in my evolution. I started this new role 4 days ago and I am being challenged to get into the role and not only do the tasks, but make it my own for the time being. Now I have achieved that goal, time to focus on the next one. Finding a permanent place to live.

Finding a place to live has been very difficult as I have been working only 16 hours per week, and paid every two weeks. That money has not gone very far at all. Just enough for the absolute basics. Some food, money for staying at the boyfriend's and it's basically all gone. Since the news of the new role that I have previously mentioned, I have had more hope to be getting out of this temporary arrangement I am in. While it's been a safe haven, it is not a solution. It is also affecting the dynamic of my relationship with my boyfriend. We knew we weren't going to cohabitate together, so this is pushing our boundaries beyond what we really both need. Hopefully this will also be resolved in the next couple of weeks. With the way my 2019 has started out, I'm sure this will happen sooner rather than later.

Through the first part of the year, my health has kept me out of being as sociable as I normally would be, I have been doing quite a bit of creative things with my time. I have started writing my novel that I have always wanted to do. It progressed pretty quickly to nearly 200 pages and I am happy the way it has been progressing. I have been working on a new website and I need to complete it so you all can experience my new site. So for now, here is a snapshot. I have also made a commitment to my studies which has stalled my writing a bit. Professional development is something I am doing my best to take seriously. I am taking a technical writing course at the moment and 2 psychology papers later this year. I took a year away from my studies, and just allowed myself to figure out my new normal and I am really proud of what I achieved in 2018.