A big realisation and a massive shift in mindset

The last few days I have been understanding and coming to peace with a certain piece of knowledge that is helping me to become a lot more at peace, a lot more confident, and a lot more motivated. I have also gotten that drive back to do some exercise (although right this minute I have been railroaded with a cold which is knocking me back) as I look to my future and a return to triathlon. None of this a little in but mostly looking for excuses why not to exercise, but I am actively planning and looking at things I really need to do to get back into proper training. I have emailed the New Zealand Olympic Committee, Triathlon New Zealand and Ironman New Zealand for clarity on their transgender policies, especially defining the 4 year stand down period for MTF trans athletes for competition. I am seriously wanting to be a fitter, happier more active version of myself. I have been there before, and I don't believe I will ever be back to the same level as I once was, but I am tired of being stuck in the quagmire of feeling like I am not being a better me. I love the swim, bike and run (well maybe not so much the run part) and I miss the days/weekends I would be at an event. So what are these profound pieces of wisdom that has actually put things back into perspective that has gotten this shift in attitude? Well folks, it's not just transgender people, but everyone who are making excuses. So the magic pieces of aspirational self talk is......

"The world isn't going to give me permission to, or waiting to tell me I am finally accepted as the person I want the world to see. Because in reality the world doesn't give a crap who is out there doing their thing."

"The world is not going to tell when it's ok to exercise and truly feel like the woman I am (or desiring to be), because the world already sees me as that woman. It's only been myself who hasn't 100% believe that."

And to prove my point, Labour Day Monday, I went for a bike ride by myself and after 90 minutes I stopped off at a friend's place. I had to walk up the path, past his neighbour doing tree trimming with his 3 year old daughter sitting watching him, wearing the cutest little ear muffs. She looked at me and said to her dad, "Daddy, who's that lady? Why is she here? Where is she going? Where does she live? What has she been doing?" Even in my fatigued and inglourious state, this innocent child saw me for who I am, not who I desired to be, but who I am! The innocence of a wee child is so special. No filters, no insult given, pure innocence and it is such a powerful thing that. This little girl melted my heart there and then.

I am already there! The world sees Serah, and I have been hiding myself in a protective bubble. I have not wanted this bubble to burst and my world come crashing down. I have opted out of living, experiencing and doing things because I felt the world wouldn't see me for who I wanted to be seen. Two years ago I would have given anything to be where I am right now, so the only thing or person holding me back from living a big, happy and productive life has been me all along. The world sees me, and it's time that I see the same person. So no more excuses to not do things I have been craving to do. I may be missing some gear and bits and pieces, but I have enough to get started on the road towards my goal of another Ironman. I know I have already put it out there saying I want to do one, but the difference now is that I am now ready to do the work. I have had my moment of clarity and it is not going to fade. This won't be an easy journey to do this as my resources are a lot more limited than they once used to be, but hey, I get to do this as I was always supposed to do it. So anyone out there close by and wanting a motivated training babe, give me a shout!

This may be a short post, but it has a message for anyone who is waiting for that feeling of getting permission, it's not going to come from anywhere but inside yourself. Stop being the negative barrier in your existence, and start shining brightly in all your beauty and awesomeness.