Growing in confidence and living life bigger

For the last couple of weeks I have been pretty active and doing a bunch of things. My life has been moving forward and upwards in most areas. I finished my last assignment in my 1st psychology paper, and I passed with a B average. Even though I really struggled through the course and assignments, the information I gained about myself as a person, how to manage stress, and stress in general is invaluable. I have also started doing volunteer work 3 days a week for 2 different non profit organisations. One is for a hospice, and the other is for a youth rainbow organisation. The hospice work environment is nothing I have experienced before. To be in an environment that isn't dominated by males is actually really different and supportive. It is somewhere that I could see myself working in for a longer period. The work is IT based and only a few hours a week for a couple of days. It may not be much but it is actually quite rewarding to be doing something other than existing. The 2nd place is an LGBTQI+ youth organisation, which is probably more where my passion is. This is where I'd really like to focus the rest of my career. Going forward I have a some decisions to make which will change everything I do for the next few years.

I have also started dating a bit. I have been on a few and I have been growing in confidence. Not only since the school reunion, but it's a continual progress of beginning to believe and accepting who I am. Over the last couple of years as I have been going through my transformation, I had been received compliments and reinforcing comments about my aesthetic, my mannerisms, my speech and my femininity. While all these have been satisfying, it's only seemed to to have been in the last few weeks that I have able to genuinely believe that any of these were actually genuine. I have really struggled with self-confidence and worthy of receiving any compliments throughout my life. I have never one who has ever truly believed either in myself or the sincerity of others. I was always skeptical, as I probably couldn't accept who I was, so why could I accept a compliment? I believe I have evolved to another level of my transition. From understanding who I am, to really believing I am Serah. Not just in my head, but in my heart and my entire being. I has a massive eye opener and it hit me from out of the blue. It came when I went for a drink from an internet chat.

I will always remember this person, whether they will be in my life for a brief time, or for a really long time. I do hope the latter. So what made this encounter so memorable or profound? I have described the date to a few very close friends and the moment it happened. After talking online for a few hours, asked a few questions etc, I had a really good feeling so I cheekily suggested they take me and buy me a drink. I still riding the wave of confidence I had gained from the school reunion, and to my surprise, they said yes. They picked me up and we went to a local bar for a couple of drinks and chat. Small talk, back and forth, each other's stories etc. Being early 40's, we have a bit of time on the planet to have some history. Some we sheltered, some we shared. To both of our surprise, we had similar pasts with ended marriages, other partners, new journey in our lives etc. Now this is where I had my Ka-Bam moment.

I got to talking a bit about my transition and it was said to me "You are very beautiful. You are very easy to the eye to look at, and I can only see a woman in front of me." Now I have heard compliments like this before but this was different. This person held my eye contact as they said these, and their eyes and body language showed me that these weren't just lines, but actually genuine comments, opinions and observations. Now my reaction is what changed everything in my world. Instead of brushing this off, my eyes darted downwards, and I blushed big-time! I have described this moment as "they are the first person ever to make me blush hard". I felt the sincerity and honesty this person had expressed their attraction to me, as the person who I have been longing to be for subconsciously and consciously for my entire life. My attraction to them was more than just as a nice person. This evolved into something more for me right there and then. I so wanted to kiss them, or them kiss me. I have never ever felt so intoxicated by someone so quickly. We have been talking and it's all very new and exciting, but we both have baggage from being alive for so long.

Nothing is happening all that quickly, even though I really wish it would. This person may not be someone that stays in my life for very long, or this person just might hang around for a very long time. I do not know. I have confided in a few close friends, and I have had mixed advice. Some say "Girls like us don't get many chances to be happy with someone, so when someone does come along, go for it!", others have said "they may not be Mr/Ms Right, but they are Mr/Ms Right Now". I have had the "Be careful, you are in such a good place right now, don't them derail the path you are one". It's all good advice, and I have to really think about everything that is going on in my world right now. I have to figure out about earning money or doing work that I really want to be doing, then the money will come. I also need to figure out if this person is a flash in the pan, or is a keeper. What I do know is that they have opened me up to accepting the world around me more openly and I feel more complete having met them. I am happier than ever, and I feel my life snowballing into something bigger and better all the time. I am ready to be Serah, in this world with no restraints, and apologies. I love who I am, and I love being a woman and being free in my mind, heart and soul.