Why is my transition into the world easier than others?

Over the last couple of weeks I have consuming media content and information which has gotten me to contemplate many things. One being why I haven't really had any negative experiences. I have definitely had tough moments but I genuinely feel that my journey has been a lot smoother than others. I have been reflecting and really giving it some thought. Why do some struggle and why do some find it have less turmoil? How can someone make their transition smoother and less traumatic than it could?

Don't get me wrong, any transition is tough and it's not something that I would ever want to do again. While I see many things I want to amend about myself, my body and my facial structure, many have commented that I do not need to. I might be a little more fortunate than others in that I have softer features than some, but I know when I don't carry as much weight I feel my features are more angular than they are softer. It is a fear of mine that the more weight I lose, the less feminine I will look. I cannot focus on the what if's as they are the excuses that create doubt and paranoia, the barriers that stall progress. I have my fears about my future and my look, but I don't let it stop me from owning who I am. So onto why I feel my transition I have had it smoother than others.

Firstly I worked on my mentality. I learned my truth and learned to make peace with it. I got help from a professional, one who I trusted and had faith they had my best interest at heart. I was realistic throughout the process also. I was seeking understanding, and I knew it was not a cure for all of my demons. It was a way to know them and to find understanding to minimize the affect on my world. Understanding who I was was step one, step two was finding who I wanted to be in the world. Who it was I wanted the world to see. I got help with clothes, makeup, how to walk, how to sit, how to move, how to be who I wanted to the world to see. By choosing clothes, creating looks that accentuate my feminine shape, including breast forms when appropriate helped create a better body shape and personal confidence. I didn't rush from understanding who I was, to forcing the new me into the world. I took time to build my look, my wardrobe, my understanding and ways that worked for me. This took months, not days.

I understand that I might have it slightly easier than others as I am a woman who likes to be fairly conservative in how I appear and dress. I am a woman who found my look before committing to coming out into the world. I am fortunate and I have my own hair and it's hardly receding, I am growing it and putting it into a look that is not masculine. The days I pull my hair back, don't wear make up and wear causal clothes, I may get the odd one or two inquisitive looks from the odd person. For the most part, I don't draw too much attention to myself. I haven't ever had anyone make a negative comment about not being born female. The feedback I get from people is that my mannerisms and way I conduct myself is very feminine. Today without makeup and wearing gym clothes, I had to spell it out to someone that I am transgender and I was born male. To get told that they couldn't see it is always my biggest compliment. I often get told that "I am probably more girlie" than some of my female friends that are talking to me.

Not only am I a woman, I am a 40 something woman, not a teenager. I am not trying to live the teenage life I wish I had or regret never experiencing. I cannot be a teenage girl, or even a 20 something young woman. I let that go very early on. It is the one piece of advice that I think has served me the best. Dress for your age. You don't see 40 something year old women walking around trying to be 16, so why should someone like me do it. Dressing up like that is for Halloween and theme parties. There is a time and place and it's not in public, unless you are wanting negative attention. I don't want negative attention, any attention I want is because it is positive. I often get stopped and complimented on my clothes, and at first it really took me back. Guys do not do that sort of thing, ever! Now it puts a bounce in my step, makes my face light up and brightens my day. I own my look and I know who I am.

Another thing I recall doing throughout my transition, is never expecting anyone to interact with me other than how I was presenting. There was a 15 month period where I had to be two people to conduct my day to day life. This is damn difficult and sometimes exhausting. I had to be male at work, while I was doing work, and travelling to and from work. During those times, I never asked or expected anyone to address me as Serah, or use my female pronouns. We are programmed to interpret what our visual sensors tell us into a learnt response. By allowing people to choose how they addressed me during this time of disruption and turmoil, my pathway wasn't fraught with agitation, animosity and anger about my name and pronouns. If someone who was familiar with me, opted to call me Serah while I was presenting male, that was up to them. If you give them something that is contradictory to the visual you present, you must own the fact it will be difficult for people to get it right without first getting to know you more intimately. You need to have patience and let them re-program their default natural response to the visual representation you put out there. Don't expect that by presenting male and expecting to be called female by name or pronouns will be an easy and default response by people. It'll take a conscious effort for that to become a learnt pattern, so do not get upset or angry if you do not make it easy for them. Politely and casually, without ridicule, correct them. Do not get on a personal crusade to change everyone in the world, accept that how you present will affect your surroundings. I do what I can to make it easy for people to interact with me and to blend in, and that is who I am and it has served me well and I believe has made my transition easier than some others.

I am me. I am Serah. I am woman. I am a trans-woman. I am beautiful and amazing, and so are you.