Getting used to having breasts

I have been on hormone replacements for 18 months now. Over that time, I have developed small breasts, and it is an adjustment both physically and mentally. The first I began to notice changes was after around 3 weeks. My nipples became overly sensitive, then the area around the nipple area started to firm a bit. I also was convince they were physically changing, but it wasn't until the 3 month mark, was there any real sign of development. With the increasing dosages of hormones, there was a bit of growth for the first 6 - 7 months. All through this time, it was easy to conceal while I was presenting male, but not that visible when dressing female, so I wore fillers almost all of the time. When I went running on the road or on a treadmill, they hurt. That was a really strange experience to have. It made me see things differently for all the female athletes whom I never ever have the empathy for when I was male. I had friends, cis and trans that were curious about my development and I have never been shy about talking about them. At around the 9 - 10 month mark, I attended a party and these became the topic of conversation. Now I don't recall this moment, but I had it pointed out to me recently. I apparently practically exposed them to a small group as I was talking to my friend M. My recollection was that I showed my bra to show here my development.

During this conversation I had with H about showing my breasts a few days ago, I had to really think about my behaviour. All I can say is that being raised male, doing sports like swimming and triathlon, running around topless was fairly normal behaviour. I was never taught to be modest or protective about my upper body. This mental shift is probably the biggest adjustment I have had to learn about my changing body. I consider myself a fairly young woman and thinking about how I behave like a real woman in regards to how I show and discuss my body is slower in developing than the physical adaptions.

I love the fact that I now have B sized breasts after 18 months. I know from advice and conversations that I have another 18 - 24 months before I can expect full development to happen. I am a little impatient as my hips aren't developing like my breasts are. The distribution of my body fats is happening, but it seems at a glacial pace. I don't have the money for cosmetic surgeries to get fillers or liposuction to assist with the process, but what I do know is that the speed of the process I am going through is at a speed that I can cope with. There is definitely things I wish I could get done physically, but this speed is also confirming this is what I want, and I won't ever regret it. I'm glad I am not extremely wealthy and reckless. If those resources were at my disposal, I may have rushed at getting cosmetic procedures and really questioned my choices for the rest of my life.

This is not an easy life, and I don't know if my transgenderism is at a chromosomal level. What I do know is that I am free of being forced to be someone who I was never that happy being. I have friends who love me for me. I have way more confidence in the world. I dance, I (attempt to) sing out loud, I am enjoying life for the first time ever without the fear of being judged all the time. I know who I am and I looking forward to what my future holds for me. Tomorrow I do a swim/run event for the first time as female. I get to compete with the other women. I am not technically able to compete in the female section yet under the IOC rules, but this is a start. I am not that fit like I was a few years ago, but it's not about that. It's the massive mental shift in myself and hopefully some perception shift for those who have never ever considered trans people want to do sport too.