My guide for transgender transition (the first stages)

I've been thinking for a while if I should give some tips on how I believe one should transition. By all means this is not supposed to be a strict pathway for everyone and as I am MTF, not everything will be relevant for FTM. I will do a series of these ranging from medical, make up, presentation and others as I think of them. These are some lessons I learnt along the way, through either sound advice or through my own mistakes. This order isn't necessarily the same for everyone. This is a guide, not rules.

Get help to figure out who you really are and understand what barriers are stopping you from accepting your truth.

What I mean by this is find help from a professional psychologist or psychiatrist who is willing to discuss any potential gender or identity issues. Do some research, send emails etc, and have an initial conversation before working with these people. Not every psychologist is the same.

I shut down after my first psychologist didn't want to investigate why I didn't feel I was living my own life and felt like I was supposed to be living another life. At the time I didn't know I was trans-gendered but I was shut down and never got to investigate anything, which took another 5 years to discover. Break down the barriers that stop you from accepting your truths.

I managed to find an appropriate specialist in my area through the WPATH website "Find a Provider"

There are 3 stages of transition. 1. Fully reversible. 2. Semi-reversible. 3. Irreversible.

Do as much as you are comfortable with until it's not enough, then do something more to further stretch yourself to find if you feel comfortable. You can always go back a step before going forward again if it feels too much. There is no rush.

Understand who it is you want to present to the world that will make you the have the most peace in your life.

Figuring out how you want to present to the world that will give you the most amount of inner peace is probably the biggest part of your journey. Once you know you need to change your appearance by presenting as the opposite gender, or somewhere in between, this is your guidance for your other decisions. It's ok not to know how far you are comfortable with your transition in the early stages. It's damn scary.

Dress so you can be taken seriously as the person you want the world to see you as.

So many people start dressing as a teenage girl who they desired or desired to be in their youth. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to figure out who I wanted to be before really coming out. I am not a teenager so dressing like a teenager is not going to work for me. I am a 40 something woman and I dress like a 40 something woman. (gallery pictures)

Understanding your rights as a transgender person.

Unfortunately not every country is as liberal as New Zealand. There is the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) who have a worked with health professionals to provide a guideline to follow for transgender health. Try and find an appropriate pathway for your country and your national health policies regarding transgender health.

Also, if you are intending to transition at your current place of employment, you need to know that you have human rights that your employer may neglect. Not every place of employment will be tolerant of your plight, and they must help you. You do need to objectively assess this place of employment for your long term working future. Is it healthy for you long term. Is it a place you really want to continue to work at. It is only a job after all. It is usually easier to get a job when you are working than not working, coming from a position of strength.

Talk to your GP (family doctor) and find out if you are healthy to transition.

Talking to your GP is a big step in the process. This person can be a strong advocate or could be detriment to someone's transition. I have heard horror stories of GP's not being professional and prescribing the correct treatment plan forward in accordance with the WPATH pathway. If this is the case, seek another doctor. You pay them for your health. They are there for you, not the other way around. Your GP should be taking an initial blood test as a baseline for your health and your markers.

In New Zealand, the GP will refer you to the endocrinologist. That appointment will take time to happen so there are things you can do to get ready for that appointment. You need 2 referrals from medical professionals 1. your psychologist/psychiatrist. 2. your GP.

Endocrinologist appointment.

It is not the endocrinologist's job to assess whether you are transgender or not. That is the job of the other 2 medical professionals. If you have done your preparation properly, this will go smoothly. If you haven't, this will be difficult. Don't feel you have to dress one way or the other to convince them. You've already done that work. They are there to advise you what to expect and prescribe you the hormones, and assist with your ongoing treatment.

Start laser treatments to reduce facial hair and/or body hair.

Fairly self-explanatory.

Coming out to family, friends and at work.

Be prepared to lose some, if not all of the people present in your life. The ones than mean the most in your life, take the time to have an honest conversation with. This is super scary. Find a "speech" that works for you. You'll be surprised at who is really good with the information, and those that aren't. It's unpredictable.

I found mine.

"I have gender dysphoria. Do you know what gender dysphoria is? ...... It's when someone identifies with a gender they were not assigned at birth. I identify as female. I have made decisions to change my physical identity and presentation to reflect who I am on the inside. Do you have any questions?"

One of my best friends tells me of some moments when I would unconsciously behave in a way that showed a few of my feminine traits as long ago as 20 years ago. He never mentioned it to me at the time, as he believed when the time was right for me, I'd figure things out. He was a little right, he thought I was potentially gay, not trans, but I am glad we have had that chat. I had shown glimpses of myself long ago without knowledge.

Coming out does not mean going 24/7 straight away.

Taking the mental load off of carrying around your secret by coming out does not mean you have to suddenly commit to 24/7 gender presentation change.

Deciding when to present 24/7 is a big step so don't rush it.

Take time to be comfortable with being yourself in environments that are hospitable, and gain confidence in being your authentic self in most situations before committing to something you can't really go back from.

I committed to a plan that was too drawn out and didn't work for me personally. It was a good plan for my workplace but others factors meant that my work environment was not healthy for me being a trans-woman.

Expand your wardrobe so you can live 24/7 before committing to live 24/7.

Making sure you can have 2 - 3 weeks of clothes without wearing the same thing is where you really want to be. Having a variety and variability is what you want, especially as a female.

Get professional make up lessons.

Learn your colours. Learn your face and how to soften your face. Learn how to highlight and contour. Learn

how to look after your skin. Learn what eye shape you have and use techniques for your eye shape.

If you want to be taken seriously, you need dress and do your make up properly.

Get a feminine haircut, or spend the same money on quality wigs.

Not all MTF are blessed with hair on their head. If you do, go to a hairdresser and get a feminine haircut. You can get a unisex cut if you still aren't living 24/7.

Those who don't have a lot of hair. You will spend a similar amount of money on quality wigs and accessories. Take your time to find your colour and styles you like and work for you. Buying quality wigs means you will look and feel better about yourself, and also will be taken more seriously.

The biggest advice at this stage I would have to give, would be to gain confidence by being around supportive people, then start interacting in environments with strangers, like malls and shops. Then introduce yourself into situations where people from your world will be. I found that letting people know who I was coming as (male or female) helped with the acceptance and how people would also behave around me. Dropping a bombshell on people without warning is one way to go, but the fallout makes for some really uncomfortable times for everyone. Openness and honesty is better, and also you can do it in small doses. Be patient. No one has gone through your journey at the same speed as you have. It will take time for others to catch up to you. Be prepare for questions. It is human nature to be curious when they don't understand, and seek to understand. And remember, you are not alone. You are loved.

Please note that this is just my opinion on how to transition. This is not a medically researched guide.