What have the Hormones done so far?
It's been almost 10 months since I started my hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and I do get asked a little bit, what effect have they had on my body, emotions and general behaviour. Somethings are noticeable, others are more subtle, and some have been pointed out to me by those that are close to me. For starters, let me tell you what I started with, early signs, how it progressed and where I am now.
As you will read in one of my early posts (end of June 2016) I received my first prescription from the Endocrinologist for 90 oestradiol valernate (oestrogen) 2mg (x1) and 45 spironolactone (testosterone blocker) 100mg (x.5) tablets. After a couple of weeks, I felt as though my breasts had already started to grow. Now looking back, I'm almost certain it was only a placebo affect as I wanted them to begin to grow. It's amazing how we want to see something so bad, we can feel and see it. After 6 weeks, I got a blood test and another just as the prescription was running out at 3 months. I had to contact my GP to sort out my renewal, as my follow up appointment was 6 weeks later than my prescription. At this stage and because my blood work came back satisfactorily, I was able to double my dosage from 1 x 2mg of oestrogen pills, and to 100mg of the testosterone blockers. Around this time, I began to notice some increased sensitivity to my nipple area. These things increased in sensitivity a hell of lot! Something like 5 to 10 times their sensitivity. Wholly heck!!!
2 weeks before my follow up endocrinologist appointment, another blood test. Again, all good. Q & A time. So what had I noticed? Subtle changes in my hair regrowth. It seems to be a bit finer than previous, still my sensitive nipples, a hardening around the nipple itself now. I had a couple of people point out that my skin seemed better. For that, I have to use them as guidance there. It wasn't long after that, I began to get easily distracted, my loneliness and depression started to come back into my world. I was told that small things at work seemed to create a larger reaction from me. I am not sure exactly which one was the cause, but having this pointed out to me definitely helped me to see this behaviour of mine.
After my 2nd batch of 90 days worth of pills, I got another script and this time I was able to increase my spironolactone to 150mg (1.5) tablets and remained on my 4mg of oestradiol. More bloods after 2 weeks. It was with this blood result, I was told that my oestrogen levels were now of a normal adult female. I don't know what it was, but for some reason, this news threw me a little. Had I not really mentally prepared for this revelation? Was it all beginning to feel a bit overwhelming? I am not sure. I went back to my early work, with my writing and sessions that I had with my psychiatrist about the contemplation work we did. I reinforced my want and desire to be my true self. With this reinforced belief I was on the right track, I began to embrace all these changes better.
I was beginning to open up to my friends more, being a lot more honest, showing them the real person who had been held under a disguise for far too long. I have been told so many times how much happier I look, and more animated, more willing to participate in conversations, and just more fun to be around. With that confidence, my body language has changed, and so too my face. I am told it is softer, though I struggle to see. With this growing confidence, my whole mannerisms changed, my gait started to change as I went out. It took me a while to feel really comfortable going out but as I begun to feel better, walk with confidence, stride like I was allowed to be there, things got a lot easier.
Not long after my increase to 150mg of spirolactone, with the blood results, I was allowed to increase to my full dosage of 200mg testosterone blockers, in conjunction with my max level of oestrogen. I wasn't too hopeful for rapid changes as I was told it would take up to 3 years before my body changes would take full effect. Even so, the slow going can be a little disappointing, when all you want is to be at the end of the journey, and not at the start. Much with a pre-teen or teenage girl going through puberty, small changes happen in the beginning.
In the last 3 months, I have noticed my hips beginning to fill out a bit, and my breasts are now a bit squishy, as they have definitely have grown. The last month, they have also started to fill out a little on top, so are starting to take a bit of shape. I could probably still pass as chubby guy if I went shirtless, but I do not feel that is who I am, and also it now feels wrong. I am not a guy, and I don't want to present as one. I really enjoy my sports bras, I like to see a small bit of growth, a bit of cleavage. This gives me personal satisfaction that my body has changed already, and is still changing. When I struggle to see the end of the my 2nd puberty, this little garment lifts my moral up each time I put one on.
Looking back, I feel like I got on a runaway train and my head was in such a blurred state, I didn't really know what was going on. Everything seemed to be going so fast, so quickly, I was losing control. I just hoped on and hoped for the best. Now I am at my maximum oral dosage, my oestrogen and testosterone levels are as they should be for a woman, I know my journey is still in it's infancy as I haven't even made it to 12 months. I have at least 20 more months before I should seeing anywhere close to full physical changes. I am only 1/3 the way there. It took me a while to acknowledge, accept and be confident with my decision, and now that I can honestly say I have truely found myself.
I am Serah. I am genuine. I am transgendered. I am female. I am happy!
Stay Beautiful and Be Amazing! X X
