One week on

I have now been free for over a week, happy within myself, at peace, excited and nervous for my future. I cannot ever remember another time in my life that I have ever been so content, no internal noise or battle with myself. Don't get me wrong, I have had many happy periods in my past life but nothing has ever been so liberating as who I am right here, right now. What is it like to want something so much, have a plan, an end date and then out of the blue it's done. Ummm, to be completely honest, because I had a date already prepared and was getting excited as it got quite near, it was a bit underwhelming, and then it built into something amazing! I have said it before, but I am so happy and content. So what have I been doing, and what have I actually done? What does a girl do when she needs a change? She gets her hair done of course!

I had the best morning last Thursday as I got my hair coloured and trimmed to something that is going to be really awesome once I get more length into my hair. The 2 1/2 hours went by really quick and I love the highlights in my hair. After a girl gets her hair done, what else does one do? Shopping of course! I have been out finding some nice working clothes, a full makeup lesson, and hunted for shoes. Damn being one size too big for most shoe shops. I also cleared out my wardrobe of all my male clothes I wont ever want to see again, and I donated them all to the Gender Minorities Aotearoa in Wellington. To be able to have a safe place when you have zero confidence to try clothes and shop is massive. I was lucky and had a few great friends that helped me through that, but not everyone will have that courage or support, I really want to help those that are where I used to be. With my gained space in my wardrobe, I have added a few things, and I have a few dresses now for work, managed to gain a small number of shoes and also got my nails done. I am living my dream right now. Everyone is telling me how much happier and brighter I am, and I really do feel it.

So where do I go from here? All my doings over the last week and a bit have been in preparation to start looking for work, learning better makeup techniques for everyday makeup, finding appropriate shoes etc, and I now feel I have enough to get me started at least. I have been working with a couple of people to get my CV updated and streamlined,ready to hit the job market for the first time as a woman. That one thing there is the one thing I am most nervous about, as Serah doesn't really have a work history. I have all the skills I have brought with me, but this is not something I really know what to expect. I have also been doing my study as I build towards gaining a higher education. I am half way through my 2nd course and nearing my first psychology papers. I really want to apply myself to working hard and being diligent with that, so I can evolve and change my world, but most importantly, change the lives of other people who too have/are struggling. I really want to be the hero I wish had in my younger years.

Now is saying that, I also really want to return to my sport that I have basically walked away from. As you would have read already, I spent 12 years competing in triathlons and also towards the last 4 - 5 years, coached triathlon. Now I have got my 24/7 goal behind me, I am starting to look ahead more. What do I want to achieve as a woman, even as a transwoman. I want to feel complete, really complete. Being a male to female transwoman, sports will always be somewhat political in my future. Being a 184cm (6'1") transwoman, with a somewhat reasonable background in the sport, I can already hear the negativity about me competing in the woman's divisions. There will always be the haters, the ones with something negative to say. As long as I do everything with transparency, no one can really tear me down. I have already approached some sporting events companies regarding their mtf transgender policies, and I doubt you'd be surprised, but I have yet to get a single response other than the automated replies. All I can do is keep knocking on their door until I get a reply.

So my short term plans are;

New job
Study hard
Get into a better fitness routine with the goal to return to triathlons

Long term plans are;

Get surgery
Graduate and become a Psychologist
Do another Ironman, this time as the genuine me (maybe compete more competitively)
Help People live better lives

My life goal;