First time swimming - in public

Tonight I took the big step of going to a public swimming pool and entering the pool, the first time as a woman. My biggest fears about returning to the pool, and swimming in general, was my feminine presentation. Would I be passable? Would I look feminine enough? Would I be accepted? Would I be able to tuck sufficiently to look natural? Would my tuck be secure? To be perfectly honest, I was really nervous doing this and a big hurdle for me. This sport thing, is probably my last big mental hurdle for me to overcome.

After talking to some friends last week at Splash and Dash, they sent me in the direct of an LGBTI swim squad in my home town of Wellington. I reached out and made contact through their website (dsw.org.nz). I got a reply within 2 hours and the gentleman corresponding with me was so reassuring and very supportive. Last week I began the process of entering the water and went to one of my go to shops from swimming equipment, Swim T3 in Oriental Bay. I entered and spoke with the owner who I have been friendly with in the past about my new life, world and transition. Once we caught up on my "news", we went through some of the swim costumes and I began to try them on, rather nervously. Somewhat relieved, I didn't look too bad, and reasonably feminine in shape. So the tuck! a bit of shuffling things around, applying some of those tips and tricks I've learnt, and hey....not bad. Now a deep breath and asking for a second opinion.

I had a lot of nervous energy as the clock got closer to the time to head to the pool. Now the true test, and I headed off to the pool. My fears still hadn't subsided, and I even had a couple more. On top of those from earlier, I gain the following; Would I have a gender neutral changing room to use? Lots of nerves and insecurities as I entered the pool? As soon as I arrived, the staff was very empathetic to my changing room plight and pointed me in the direction of the family changing rooms. Another check and and adjustment of my tuck and time to brave the poolside. After waiting a few nervous minutes at the poolside, I asked a couple of people near the lanes if they were part of DSW (Different Strokes Wellington), after introductions, finding out my ability where I should swim etc, it was into the pool.

My swimming fitness is not really up to any sort of standard, but it was never going to be about that tonight. It was about getting to the pool, becoming comfortable with my body more, wearing more revealing clothing and getting back into some structured exercise. And swimming is something I enjoy doing. I very much doubt I will ever get back to the competitive level I once was with sport, and frankly I don't really care. I just want to be healthy and doing what I love to do. I am learning to live the best life, and be the most complete version of myself I can be. Living a complete life, without restrictions.

Now here's the thing about the water. It doesn't care what gender you are, what identity you have, it's neutral and accepts any body without prejudice. All those constraints are the ones either we put on ourselves, or we believe society does. The water doesn't confine us, it embraces us, it comforts us, it accepts us as we are. There is no need to pretend with the water. Swimming frees us from those outside pressures and supports us as we float in it. Being in the water is liberating, and refreshing. Swimming something I will continue to pursue, now I have overcome another self imposed fear behind me.

If I can do this, what is stopping you?