My October woes

Over the last few weeks I have had some ups and downs. It's been fantastic to be back in Wellington, and I have been a lot more social with going out for coffees and meeting some new people. I also had my first official birthday as legally Serah at the end of September. Even though I was having my ups, I also had my down periods. I'd stay in the apartment for days at a time, with the company of the cat being a recluse. During that time I was struggling with concentration, focus, direction, motivation and sleeping. My depression seemed to be back eating away at me, only this time I know who I am. Those demons are way in my past, but my behaviors were similar. I'd find things to do to distract myself, like shopping, binge watching TV, staying up way too late, sleeping weird hours, while the things I should have been focusing on were slipping by. I couldn't get focused on my studies, I got writers block redoing my CV, would glance at potential jobs without applying for any. So I ended up going to my doctor's for some help.

I had resisted returning to using anti-depressants as it had been about 3 years since I last used them. They made me feel kind of blah, and lethargic. While they did take away my mood swings, my anxieties and feeling of despair subsided, so did my enjoyment of things. They took the edge of the thrill I got when I exercised, and other things. It didn't help that while I was using them I also got injured, so doing hardly anything became too easy. It was a reason not to return to using anti-depressants. Talking to my doctor about my last few months, my state of mind, my concerns and the way I was living, it was definitely time to consider restarting back on them. My doctor suggested a newer medication with fewer side effects, so I was keen to try those. I have been on them now for about a month and I am definitely feeling the better for it. I still have my concerns, but they do not overwhelm me these days. Going back onto anti-depressants was a good call.

Now I still have things to to sort out going forward in my world. I completed my final assignment and 2nd course, now I about

to start my first psychology paper. I am a bit excited about that. I have been able to secure a place to live starting next week, so until I can move there I am in a bit of a living limbo. I am currently on a medical break so I have some funding until the end of January, and then I plan to study full time next year, with the hope to enter into the working world using my new psychology knowledge. Hopefully the references that have been a bit of a problem right now, doesn't have much of an impact next year. The next 12 months will be a bit tight, but I'm sure I'll be able to survive. After all, I have battled through some big obstacles in my world and life already, and I'm still here, doing me the best that I know how to. I also have a few small ideas and projects I want to do too, but for now, I'm keeping those close to my chest. I am hopeful for my future and I also I am trying to stay as positive as I can.

2017 is winding down, and it has brought me many changes in my life. When I look back on my life, it will be a year when I finally was able to be happy, really happy and content, probably for the first time in my life. I will also see it for a time when I was able to change my world, my story and was the moment that made into the woman the world has waited to see. This is only the start of this new part of my life, and only the middle of my story. I have many more stories and adventures left to live.

Thanks for reading my lovelies,