Christmas!!! Closing out 2016 and entering 2017
I tend to write and blog more when I have a lot of thoughts going through my head, having tough moments and needing an outlet to expel those emotions and thoughts. During periods when things are going well, I don't tend to write so much so I have been a bit inactive with my updates.
The lead up to Christmas was a bit of a stressful period, exciting and a nervous time. Since the earthquakes and flooding in November, work had been crazy busy. I didn't get any extra days off that I was hoping for, due to all the staff working hard into the break, so I had been looking forward to this Christmas & New Years break. Firstly, it was the first chance I got to be myself for any real extended time since I accepted my female self without pretending and hiding under the male costume. I had been bubbling for a few days and really started getting into the Christmas spirit, buying presents for my nieces and nephews.
Christmas Day went off without a hitch. The most stressful part was trying to get an outfit and shoes more than anything, not really a big deal at the end of the day. I was welcomed and accepted by everyone there as Serah, even my parents, though they didn't really say my name directly to me. I did have a times when I was referenced as "he" or "him" which irked me somewhat. Some of those were a slip of the tongue and and were corrected and others were not. I guess I have to decide if I will be the one who always corrects people, or give my family some slack and adjust. The one time when it actually just pissed me off was when someone whom I had only met that day directly referred me as "he". I had been introduced a a female, appeared as female and acted female. That, like so many others comment about, is either just disrespectful or just ignorant. I decided it was not the day to make a scene and let that moment go but, just like similar incident at the local supermarket, but I will have to choose to stand up to this if this is a continual thing, as it is just rude. I am female, especially when presenting with clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, and behaviour, after going through all the trouble of accepting myself and putting myself out there in public situations.
A couple of days before Christmas, my extended family welcomed in a wee baby girl. I have forgotten how tiny a newborn is. I got to meet her on Boxing Day and I'm so in love with her. The household was manic, 5 boys under 9 years old, excited all the time. Way too much daylight. They are all really great with the baby and also really great with me. I forget how they just accept things. They ask innocent questions and accept things very easy. They all accept me as Aunty Serah, no matter how I present. Having the freedom to just get up and be me, allowing my body to just be what it is as it begins to shift in appearance, without having to be self conscious with how I appear is so relaxing. No stress involved in getting up and putting on a facade to head somewhere.
A couple of days before New Years, I got a bad ache in my left rib and back areas which tended to shift around my back area, and made me feel pretty shit leading into New Years. On New Years Eve, the ache shifted and felt like I was have a kidney problem. This made me feel pretty crappy and I almost didn't go out for New Years, but really wanted to see it in with my friends I have become extremely close to in 2016. I may not have ticked many of my 2016 resolutions, but I did something even bigger any resolution could ever have on it. I found myself. The real me. The one who is blossoming into the woman I was always supposed to have been. I grew as a person also. I found a lot of inner peace, and I have a clear direction I want my life to go. I still have more development to aspire to, more personal goals, physically goals, work goals, life goals, financial goals and lifestyle goals. 2017 is Serah's year. My first full calendar year.
I also have joined the gym and I was apprehensive at first as I was enrolling since I was upfront and told them what I am going though and my process. To start with, I got the normal 5 second response, and after that, been treated really great. I had a couple of PT sessions to start with and been going alone, dressing how ever I feel on the day, whether fully incognito in male attire, or in bright pink. I have to wear a sports bra all the time as my ever growing breasts are sensitive and hurt during exercise, so the bright colours of the sports bras under my tops tend to get some odd looks, but that is just part of what I have to go through. Now all I need is some consistency and change will happen pretty quickly.
Talking about my boobs, I am starting to see some real evidence of actual increase in my breast size, it isn't much, but enough after 6 months of hormone treatment. I have friends who have noticed and mentioned without prompting, which gives me some sense of satisfaction and a sense of feminine worth. My hair also is not too far off away from being able to do something with that is more feminising too instead of the not short/not long length it is, the messy length. It's all looking positive, and my short term is to go back to work and get through the 8-5 and then I can be me until such a time I can integrate the real me into my workplace. Everyone at work knows I am on hormone treatment and I think I have to bridge the topic with those willing to want to talk about what is happening and what is going to happen. I am genuinely excited for 2017. Probably the first time ever I have started a new year with so much optimism.
Stay beautiful and be amazing!!
