A Solo Adventure.....

This week's big adventure!!!

On Wednesday night, I have every intention to get dress and wander in the cover of night time to wander the waterfront of Wellington alone. Just one more stepping stone toward living more in my true form, being comfortable in public spaces. I don't know what really came over me, but as I got ready, I got the urge to head to the movies. Instead of being somewhere semi deserted, I chose to head into a well lit space where there would be potentially hundreds of people. Why oh why did I do that? I don't know, but heck, it was thrilling. So how did I manage to brave it.

Firstly I checked out movie times online, saw a movie I wanted to see (Now You See Me 2). Somewhat fitting. Then I booked my ticket online, choosing an outer seat where there would hopefully not be anyone sitting next to me. This goes against my movie seating rules for maximum enjoyment by the way. So the next part was to make sure everything was in order. Makeup, hair, clothes, bag, shoes, confidence. I took a snack so I wouldn't have to buy anything and didn't take a drink because I was totally petrified of the need to use the bathroom. So much publicity these days about transgender toilet use, makes me feel I don't have anywhere I could use a bathroom if I needed to. I'll come back to this rant soon. I drove into town, and every red light I was stopped at, again I was paranoid I would be seen and found out by pedestrians. No one did and I managed to park all ok, so far, so good. Crunch time. The wind was up a bit so my hair go a bit disheveled and that worried me somewhat, but I thought I would probably cover my face a fraction better anyway, so out of the car, I had to pass a couple of people into the Plaza, then once I entered, I scanned about for the fastest route to gather my ticket. I got to through the lower section without incident, then onto the escalator, riding it up to who knows how many people will be queued waiting and looking about.

At this point I didn't know what was scarier. The walk in or the ride up the escalator. Head tilted down slightly as I arrived at the top, and another scan at the queue. Thank god there was no one at the pre-purchased, self serve kiosk. I fumbled about in my handbag to find my card, having a mini moment of anxiety until my card managed to find my hand. Issued my ticket then headed to the ticket gate before any queue formed. I handed the girl my ticket and she hardly paid me much attention. Awesome! Was that was because I was passing as a women, or she just didn't really give a shit? That I'll never know but I was really thankful at that point in time. I made my way into the theatre just as the lights went down, perfect timing, and made my way to my seat. Bingo! No one near my seat. I tried to be as demure as possible while watching the movie, just incase someone was watching me instead of the film. Totally loved the movie, a really good sequel to the first one.

Once the movie was nearing the end, I realised this would be my most exposed time, in among a lot of people, all swinging their heads about in conversation regarding the movie, maybe checking out this over 6' tall blonde woman and looking at her face, seeing a guy in makeup. I hadn't thought about this moment until right now. Oh Crap! I just had to breath deep and not panic. It was like experiencing the anxiety of an Ironman Triathlon race. The waiting and thinking is way worse than the doing. Once you start, everyone is in their own space and doing their own thing to really care about you. I just ended up walking the same way as everyone else, lost in the group of bodies heading out the doors, down the escalator and again, navigating a path to the doors towards the sanctuary of my car.

OMG the whole experience was nerve racking and exhilarating. I have been buzzing about it for a couple of days now and really want to do something again shortly, but where and how to make everything to be more casual, not drawing much attention to myself. Do I head out alone again, or with one of my friends? Do I head out with one of my female friends? Do I arrange for a meal somewhere and dine. That is probably something I would need to build to I feel. Sitting in a restaurant, exposed and unable to hide, just sitting at a table with the potential to be stared at. I don't think I quite have the femme mannerisms ironed out enough to do the dinning thing yet. Maybe I need a good coach to help.

Anyway, I hope to venture out some more going forward, and maybe, if you are in Wellington, I just might walk past you and you won't even notice me. Here's hoping I just blend in.

Thanks for reading once more,

XXX

Serah