One month on..

It's been a month since I last posted, and it's gone in a whirlwind. Let's do a quick update since my last post.

I have made a few friends and been chatting a catching up with them. These happen to be in a similar situation as myself, MTF transgenders, with their own struggles, fears, wins and losses. I have meet up one on one, and in groups, in drab, and dressed up. Drab is very weird, as we recognise each other as women, feel women, but see the alter ego of each other. Our Clark Kent disguises so to speak.Also I have been invited along to a couple of discreet night outs with a couple of the girls, meeting new people in safe environments, each time gaining confidence, becoming part of a community where there isn't any fear of being who I have been hiding. What has happened, is I have started to have sexual experiences more so as a female, rather than as a male. I have not been the most proactive sexual partner in the past. I have not been that confident as the instigator in the relationship, and at times, that has caused more than issue in the past, and many a dry spell. Now being more femme these days, it feels more natural, more like I am where I should be, and so far I am so much happier.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been to a couple of group meet ups and dressed as a guy, introduced myself as both names, some of the reservations I once had seem to dropped. It seems I am able to fit in with people more as I am able to be truthful about who I am. Maybe there isn't the fear of them talking to a hetrosexual male, maybe they are more empathetic to my plight as I struggle with my identity, or the women accept me more as "not one of them" as the conversations take place. Either which way, I am enjoying the relaxing nature of these conversations as they unfold as everyone seems to be more accepting that I have a female persona rather than a male persona, just not visually upon first impression.

I have scaled back on my psychiatrists appointments at the moment as I have started to find some peace at the moment. I am heading to the endocrinologists in a little of 2 weeks, so I am beginning to think about how to control how I want that appointment to head. I have been given advice on how to achieve the outcome I want. The girls who have been there before me, have told me how their appointments went, how they failed, how they had success. I am learning what to do and what not to so hopefully I can get a result of either testosterone suppressants or hormone replacements. The more I be Serah, the more I know I would rather have HRT's so I would be requesting that upon my appointment, though I don't expect this to happen at this appointment.

I have also been doing a bit too much shopping of late, expanding my wardrobe, trial and error with sizes as I still am not able to go to the shops and try clothes on by myself so I'm buying online mostly. I've had some successes and some fails and mostly I am happy with what I has turned up. I now have 2 wigs and those make a massive difference with both my look and my confidence. So much so, I went to the last club night out alone, fully made up, heels, hair, jacket and walking alone. Still paranoid I'll be made out on the street, but I don't look or feel as much like my male self. I do get a thrill going out in Serah mode, but only at nights. To gain confidence in my femme skin, my look, my makeup, my posture etc, the easier it will be to venture out into the world. Soon I will have to be braver and be take another step in my evolution.

And in that vain, here is another step in my evolution, this is a picture of me before I headed out on Saturday.

Again, thanks for reading, and please head over to my website.