My BIG Saturday night out in public. My first time!!

I have been building towards my first outing, in public, fully dressed and made up as Serah. Saturday 14th May 2016 will be one of my best ever nights. It started like normal with work for 5 hours, but the knowledge of what I was going to be doing that night was just bubbling beneath the surface. Normally my anxiety issues would have made things unbearable. I would have been fidgeting, biting my finger nails, distracted, twitchy etc. Ever since learning that I am a woman that was sexed as male at birth, most things have been easier. Anxiety is not my enemy, in fact it is something that makes the world more fun, brighter and exciting. Don't get me wrong, there are times when the anxiety seems to be negative, but I can deal with those times far more easily.

The plan was to get to the local kink bar, once there I would be safe. But how to get there in one piece, before the world creates a wormhole and swallows me to another dimension where I am judged and alienated by the masses, stared at and made fun of like a sideshow mistake.

Well since I was on a limited budget, not having the resources like a celebrity, no endorsements, no TV contract, no cameras following my every move documenting my story, I used what I had at my disposal. Friday I got a haircut with my barber, to tidy my flailing mess up, something that I could work with, so no wig. He actually was one of the first people I came out to, we had chatted a bit earlier and he told me of a work colleague who is trans in Australia, at the time I did not really react either way, just engaged in the conversation, so I figured he would be very cool about it. He then told me he is bi. One honest person to another and I felt great.

After work I spent about 3 hours grooming, shaving everywhere, moisturizing getting my clothing ready, waiting until it was late enough to go to my friend E's house. There I was welcomed with a great big hug and some liquid courage. We chatted, nibbled, drank a couple of wines and proceeded to do makeup, hair and clothes. So envious of E as she is confident and gorgeous, and love her to bits. She has been my guru so far, and been awesomely generous to me. Short version, done and into

the car down into town and being dropped off outside the door for a quick scoot into safety, well that was the plan. I get out of the car and disorientated, couldn't find the damn door, looked around E was faffing about with our sober driver...."HURRY UP DAMMIT" here I am standing in the street hypersensitive that I'm the centre of attention, when in fact no one gave a shit, still I'm in a wee bit of a panic state. We had to walk past a group of about 10 people who were in the way of the door. "Please don't be anyone I know, and please don't point and stare." Past them and quickly and did make eye contact with one of the women, but moved past and didn't look back, inside to SAFETY!!

Another liquid courage and E helping out with introducing me to familiar faces but introducing me as "Serah". OMG disoriented moment. Everyone was really nice and welcome me, and they treated the moment as we were meeting for the first time. Throughout the night, it was definitely easier to interact with people as Serah than I ever had done as my male persona. I knew it was going to be a safe place to start living as Serah a bit, and it was surely a great safe place to start. Conversations were not forced or awkward, something I really struggled with as a male, even at the kink bar previously. As I mingled and moved about, people came up to me, and I had an amazing time. First the first time I really felt free and liberated. I lay here remembering, writing with a big smile on my face as it is easily one of the best experiences of my life, one of many coming up. One where I am not lying to myself, the world about me, without the suffocation of society's will repressing me. I cannot wait to be able to do this more.

Saturday night has given me a new group of contacts, who hopefully will become amazing friends, and already other stories, those are for another post.

Serah

XXXXXX