What's in a name?

Since discovering the real me, I have not really been using the name I have come to associate my female side as. As my blog, website says, this is Serah. I have had a couple of friends ask me when I wanted to be start being called Serah. I felt that it would be best once I began hormone treatment. I have now come to realise that delaying the reality means that I am giving myself a pass to behave as my male persona, have a pass to procrastinate, to delay things, dwell, be distracted. This is not ok. I am Serah and I need people in my world to start calling me Serah and start behaving like I want Serah to live. I have no one to blame but myself.

I need to start to get things in order to own the name and persona, not just talking about it. I want to move forward with my life, to change my life, to live my life. I have been waiting for this moment, and it is here. Instead of watching the moment come and go, it's time to seize it and own it. Time to start to get ID, bank ID, think about passport, even my birth certificate. How far will I need to go to be happy? I have been asked before, and thought that I didn't need to have my birth certificate changed, but would that just make things easier? Well this is not going to be easy. If I wanted easy I'd live my life as a male, cross dress and find someone who wanted and accepted me as a cross dresser. That is not me. I don't want to be a boy in girls clothes. It's not who I want to be. I want to walk the streets, go to shops and be treated and looked upon as a woman. The freedom to wear beautiful clothes, shoes, hair, handbags and own them. Just blend into the crowd as just another woman doing the shop thing, not causing a fuss by looking like a guy trying to pass as a woman. That is my end game, my piece of happiness, my inner peace. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so.

How do I know that it is right. What are the signs? Well for starters, I've never ever enjoyed having to shave, but loving the feel of having smooth and soft skin, the feel of sensual materials against my body. I love the way my body feels as I lay in bed after I've removed all my body hair. This is not a new thing. I have been doing this and enjoying this since I was a teen, now being in my early 40's, it is more than half my life. Such a long time, a sign I ignored, or just decided to naively dismiss.

From here on, my friends who I have already told, I am asking for them to call me Serah, when they are comfortable. And next Saturday is Serah's first public outing. 12 days time. I'm already nervous and excited. Worried, of course, but I have to own this, and it's one of those first steps. I hope it's not a disaster. Now I hope my female friends can help me, coach me, teach me, dress me, let me be Serah for real, not just a boy in a dress.

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